


A scene from a Star Trek, Next Generation episode directed by David Lynch

by ciannwn, twitchbell



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Crack, David Lynch, Explicit Language, Gen, Surreal, Twin Peaks allusions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-18
Updated: 2011-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-27 11:58:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciannwn/pseuds/ciannwn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitchbell/pseuds/twitchbell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A scene from a Star Trek, Next Generation episode directed by David Lynch

Captain Picard was seated in his command chair, staring down intensely at the log he was cradling in his arms. It was in a sorry state, patches of bark had fallen off to reveal woodworm bore-holes and if he listened carefully, he could hear the slow tick-tick-tick of deathwatch beetle in its heart.

At his feet lay the corpse of Tasha Yar, wrapped in plastic. She looked very young and innocent.

Lieutenant Worf was already at work investigating her murder. He put down his glass and wiped a hand appreciatively across his lips.

"That was a damned fine cup of prune juice," he growled.

Then he went across to the engineering display and contemplated the dead Borg standing before it.  
Inspired, he proceeded to stand on his head and chant a Tibetan mantra.

Deanna Troi, draped in a blue velvet dressing gown, wandered across to Wesley Crusher.

"I looked for you in my closet last night," she breathed huskily.

Wesley blushed. She bent to whisper in his ear.

"Next time do take your socks off."

The dulcet tones of Data crooning "Heartbreak Hotel" drifted over the Bridge and brought a lump to everyone's throat. He stared sadly at Tasha's corpse, yellow tears trickling down his face, leaving little rivulets in the rouge and face powder, and dripping onto his white satin smoking jacket. He brushed the tears away, smudging his green eyeshadow as he did so.

Doctor Crusher came out of the turbo-lift looking distracted. She sat down next to Picard and turned a troubled face to him.

"I had a dream last night. A white horse was wandering round Sick Bay, crapping everywhere. Geraniums sprang up from the manure. They were beautiful. Then a mechanical robin began to sing. What does it mean, Jean-Luc?"

But he had no answer. He recalled his own dream - the Bridge hung with red drapes, Tasha Yar clad in black, seated on a couch, Mr Hom serving her with champagne while a Ferengi danced around the consoles. Tasha opened her mouth and spoke to him:

"Seodeprot notohp erif," she said and then complained that her arms were on backwards.

His reverie was broken by Geordi coming out of the Ready Room. He was clad in classic Trek uniform and Picard shuddered because La Forge hadn't the legs for a minidress.

'The fish is not what it seems!" cried Geordi mysteriously.

Riker, who'd been kneeling on the floor chewing the hem of Deanna's dressing gown, produced an oxygen mask and began hyper-ventilating into it. His hair turned white and wild and he dropped the mask and turned to Picard, an evilly demented expression on his face.

"Don't fucking look at me!" he screamed. "Fuck you! Fuck you all!" He lurched to his feet, threw back his head and howled, "I'll fuck anyone who moves!"

The dead Borg fell over with a thud. Everyone else remained perfectly still.

END


End file.
